Life has a way

of stripping away the nonessentials

one birthday at a time

until we’re left

with our real selves,

unashamed before the world,

refined by experience,

shaped by the things

we’ve learned

and the passions we’ve pursued…

 And finally,

we know what we know,

and we love

what we love,

and we still have

this precious thing called time.

And it’s enough.

It’s more than enough.”

                                         ~author unknown

The above is my favourite quote to read on my own birthday.  It’s also my favourite thing to share with other people when their day arrives.  It reminds me that no matter how old I am, or who I am becoming, that there is still time to do what I want.  I don’t have an issue with age in the classic sense, in fact, I like who I am more now than I did in my younger years.  The number isn’t what bothers me, nor do a few lines that remind me of the biggest smiles and best laughs I’ve had.  What bothers me is the feeling that I haven’t done everything yet, that I want to do and be so much more…and go so many more places.  No matter how content I am with the status quo, you can bet I’m always three steps ahead in my brain, figuring out what lies ahead.

Today is my birthday.  I always say I don’t like my birthday, but the truth is I actually do.  I love all the well wishes, the people that take a moment to send a little message or note.  It’s like, for that moment, one more person in the world held you in their hand and thought something happy for you.  And in a world like the one we live in today, that’s got to be a good thing, right?  So.  I do really like all of that, I just have never been one for big celebrations.  Send me an email, send me some love, just don’t take me out and sing to me in a restaurant or bar, because oh my chocolate, so not my thing.

When I was young I used to write birthday lists.  You know, gift ideas for my family so they would know what to get me.  (Hey, after you get asked and asked, you figure they’re looking for help!)  And funny, any time I didn’t put up a list, my family would always comment and hint and say they were waiting to see the list.  I was always happy to oblige.

Then I moved out, started making my own money and the birthday lists stopped.  I am not really very good at receiving gifts, anyway.  When I was young and had lots of things I wanted and couldn’t pay for, it was great, but now?  I can buy what I want.  And I don’t need gifts to know who loves me.  Tell me you wish me well, send me warm fuzzies, spend time with me (whether on that day or another) – these are the things that make a birthday real to me.  A card in the mail from someone I really love that made me misty last week?  Better than a gift.  After that, any time they asked, I couldn’t come up with answers. 

What do I want?  What do I need? 

Nothing I can list on a piece of paper or that can be bought in any store.   Today I look at the life around me and see so many things I never guessed I would have.  I have this great, full life and awesome people to share it with.  It’s not that I don’t have irritations or things I wish I could change or that my life is perfect.  It just means that if I look around, there is so much more good than not.  I already have enough.

The only wish I have had lately was to spend more time writing, more time working.  To find a little more “grown up me” time now that my kids are getting more independent.  I wasn’t sure what this would look like, but knew something was coming.  I just had to be ready.   And the last two months have brought me an amazing community management job and writing opportunities with some really wonderful people over at EverythingMom…I couldn’t have predicted it or asked for it, but now it feels like home.  I have also started doing some freelance writing work on the side for WriteSourcing, and again, the chance to work with someone I like makes me feel so fortunate.

So again, this year, I can’t think of anything I want or need.  I can’t even imagine how to hold all the good that’s already come into my life lately.  I’m enjoying all my birthday wishes, messages and love today…and know that if you sent one, for a moment I held you in my hand and thought something happy for you too.